talking cars
by Evildarkwolf
Summary: A strange case has Sam and Dean's heads tinfected. Something that infects electronics causing them to turn on there owners, and Dean's beloved Implala becomes infected.
1. My baby

**This idea popped into my head and I just couldnt stop myself. Please enjoy! **

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Sam opened the hotel door with his left hand while he balanced a coffee holder and a bag of breakfast Burritos in his right. Kicking the door closed once he was inside he walked over to the table that Dean was sitting at. Sam dropped the bag of food next to his laptop that Dean was leaning in to. "You better not be surfing for porn." Sam told his brother as he sat Dean's plain black coffee in front of the computer getting his brothers attention.

"Thanks." Dean said not looking up from the computer. "I think I found us a case. Strange but a case." Dean looked up at his brother smiling while he took a sip of his hot coffee.

Sam sat down across from Dean drinking his tall non-fat vanilla soy Frappuccino. "What is it?"

"Well. A small town in Durango, Colorado a woman was struck by a moving vehicle but the strange thing was that the six eye witnesses swear that there was no one driving."

"How is that strange? Someone probably didn't know how to put it in park right." Sam said unwrapping his Burrito and taking a bite.

"Well first the car was a stick and it shifted into third gear and ran the woman over going 35. There was no hill on that street, and the car was hers. Two days before that fourteen cars were stolen. People either woke up to find their cars missing or they went into Wal-mart and when they were done buying their doughnuts their car was gone. But only three shops had cameras and when the police looked at the footage the cars started and drove themselves out of the parking lots." Dean said smiling. "I think we might have a psychic or a witch that is pissed off at the town."

Sam rolled his eyes. "I just don't think this is our kind of case Dean."

Dean frowned. "Well one of the witnesses who saw the woman get hit by her car, said that she heard laughter but it was coming from the car. Its worth a look Sammy."

"Fine." Sam said as he looked down at his coffee.

Dean stood up from the booth reaching into his pocket he pulled out his money and dropped it on the table. "I've gatta hit the John. Meet you at the car." Dean told his brother as he walked away.

Sam slid out of the booth making his way out to the front door.

Sam walked over to the slightly muddy caked black impala, reaching in his pocket he pulled out his key and unlocked the car. The impala clicked as her doors unlocked. Sam tried to pull the door opened but his hand slipped as the door didn't come open. He tried again but the door only clicked. "What the..." Sam tried the key again only to have it lock itself. "Come on!" Sam yelled in frustration turning the key once again only to have the key bend. Sam pulled the key out looking at it he frowned. The key was no long straight but was twisted. "Great!"

"Moron!" Said a very low voice followed by a muffled giggle.

Sam looked up from his now bent key turning to look around, but he didn't see anyone. "Great, now I'm hearing things." Sam told himself.

"Hey!"

Sam jumped slightly as he saw his brother jogging over to him. Dean's jeans from the knees down were soaked.

"You wont believe what just happened to me in the restroom!" Dean's eyes were wide as he stopped in front of his brother. "The toilet lid kept closing on me! Every time I was about to go the lid just slammed shut."

"So?" Sam said looking down at Dean's wet pants.

"Thats not the strange thing Sam! After I called it a little bitch the toilet lid opened and it smiled at me, and it had teeth Sammy!" Dean yelled.

Sam didn't know what to say, Dean's eyes showed he was freaked out. "That is crazy Dean...How did you get wet?"

"The sink pipes broke and spayed me as I ran out." Dean walked over to his beloved Impala. "Let's get outta hear."

"But Dean the car wont un..." Sam was cut off when the Impala's doors unlocked and Dean jumped in. Sam grabbed the car handle unsure but the door came open. Sam tried to opened the car door enough so he could climb in but the door only opened a few inches. "Really?"

"Come on Sam! Quit screwing around!" Dean yelled at his brother leaning over the seat to look up at him.

"It wont open!" Sam yelled giving the door another tug. Without warning the door swung opened hard hitting Sam in both his knees sending him to the hard paved sidewalk. "Ah!"

"Sam!" Dean climbed got out of his car and around it to see Sam laying on his back on the sidewalk breathing heavily. Dean reached down grabbing hold of his brothers jacket he pulled him up. "What the hell Sam?"

"I don't think your car likes me." Sam replied rubbing at his knees.

Dean looked at his brother like he was nuts. "What are you talking about? Baby doesn't hate you."

"Think again handsome."

Dean looked over at his Impala eyes wide. "What the..."

Sam too looked at the Impala his mouth open. "Did it just talk?"

"Who you calling an it, Sasquatch!" Said a grumpy females voice.

Dean's face light up with a smile on his lips. "You can talk!" Dean took a step closer to his now talking beloved Impala. "Baby!" He yelled running his hand across her hood.

"Dean...Dont go near it."

"You call me an it one more time..." The females voice got deeper as the Impala growled.

Dean laughed as he looked back at his brother.

"Its not funny Dean. We have a big problem." Sam told his smiling brother.

"Yes we do. I had no idea my baby didn't like you! Hell I even let you drive her a few times! What did you do to piss her off?" Dean said stoking his beloved Impala's hood. "Who's my good girl?" Dean told her smiling as he leaned in to her giving her a hug.

"You're sick Dean. Its not a person...stop doing that." Sam asked looking as if he was going to be sick.

"Doing what?" Dean said playing stupid as he rubbed his cheek on the hood.

"Doing that!" Sam pointed out. "Its creepy. We have to find whatever is causing this Dean."

Dean smiled as he ran over to the drivers side. "Well lets go talk to the sheriff and get some of the witnesses names and go talk to them."

"Don't let that Sasquatch sit in me! He weighs a ton! Hurts my under!" The Impala shouted as she started to shake.

Dean frowned. "Awww come on baby. I can't just leave my brother here."

"Fine!" She shouted as her engine started and her tires squeeled as she took off down the street leaving Dean standing there looking shocked.

"Hey!" Dean watched on in shock as she got farther away. Making a right at a corner she was no longer visible. "I cant believe she left me. I thought my baby loved me." Dean said looking over at his brother who looked like he was trying to hold back a laugh. "Don't even Sam!"

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**I really hope ya'll got a laugh out of this and I will update with the next funny chapter sometime. Please review and make my day. Brownies to all who review! **


	2. He named you?

"I cant believe my baby drove off without me! Why would she do such a thing? And to me of all people!" Dean whined his mouth half full as he walked down the street eating his hamburger he had bought in a fast food place he saw minutes before.

"Dean! Its just a car!" Sam shouted annoyed at how Dean was going on and on about the impala. Since Sam was the only one Dean could vent to, he had been venting for about twenty five minutes or so. "So could you please just drop it?"

"Drop it? No! We have been walking around and we haven't found her yet." 

"Thats cause you're the only one looking for it Dean."

"I'm worried. What if she never comes back?" Dean asked looking down at his feet. "I should have taken better care of her."

Sam rolled his eyes as he pushed the crosswalk button. Standing there waiting for the light to change Sam heard a familiar rumble. He turned his head to the left seeing the shiny black Impala coming towards them she stopped in the cross walk her doors opening.

Dean's eyes lit up, his laughter filled the air as he watched her pull up. "My baby!" He took in her beauty. It looked like someone had spot washed her and waxed her, her tires were shining. She shone in the bright sun. Dean smiled even bigger when her doors opened wide inviting them in for a ride.

Dean stopped in front of her looking down at her headlights. They now had eye lashes above her headlights making Dean laugh. "Oh baby!" Dean shouted thinking about how funny his Impala looked with car lashes.

"I look good." She said as her engine purred and her one car lash moved downward covering the light as she winked at Dean.

Dean laughed cheerfully as he ran to the drivers side and got in Sam followed getting in his side. "I cant believe she didn't lock her door on me." He told his brother.

"Man! This is so sweet! Maybe this town isn't so bad after all!" Dean said excited as he patted his dashboard.

"Only if you forgot that people are getting killed."

Dean shook his head he had almost forgot that fact, over the excitement over his now talking Impala.

Dean pulled into a motel parking lot. "Get us a room will ya Sammy? I need a moment with my baby."

Sam rolled his eyes opening the door and getting out. "You want a separate room for you and your new love?" Sam said smiling.

"Ha ha very funny." Dean replied rubbing his steering wheel.

Sam didn't get a chance to shut the door when it slipped from his hand and slammed shut on its own and locked. "Great."

Once Sam went into the office Dean looked at his radio. "So Baby what should we listen too?"

"Mary." Came the soft reply of the Impala.

"What?"

"Thats what the older man named me when he first took me from the lot." She said as the radio came on by itself and started to play 'Let it be' by the Beatles.

Dean had to think for a moment before he realized she was talking about his father. "He named you Mary?" Dean asked a little shocked that his dad called her anything since he said Dean was crazy for calling the Impala Baby all the time.

"He named me after his girlfriend. It got a little confusing for me." She told him as the station changed and 'Hey Jude' started to play. "And he played this song when he picked her up for a date."

Dean didn't know what to say. "Do you not like Baby?" He asked but the Impala was silent the radio shut off along with the engine. "Baby?" Dean asked trying to turn the car key but it wouldn't budge. "Aww come on! What did I do?" Dean asked slamming his hands against the steering wheel.


End file.
